Life Rant

Personal Post

I apologise now but this will be or could be a lengthy and personal blog post. I can’t promise this will be the last one I do but meh this is my blog.

Anyway I am 22 and I own my own house. Yes own it, no payments or anything I outright own the thing, my Mother passed away when I was younger and when I turned 18, I inherited the house which many adults around me said “You are so lucky” “This is amazing” etc and other positives then brought my mother into it.

What they failed to realise is I was 18. 17 when I had to sit in a solicitors office and have my ear talked off about this that and the other, you know in the movies when the scene starts blurring around the main character and the voices become more faint and all that? That is what I experienced at 17 sitting in this office having to sign papers about deeds to the house, home insurance and everything else in between. I also got money but that went all on the house as I was 18 in college with dreams of being a photographer and now I was stuck with a house, the prospects of being nothing.  I did manage to go out and party a bit although that’s not my thing, kinda had some friends but i couldn’t actually be anything.

Fast forward to 19, my Aunt who was living with me and helping a bit ups and leaves without any word and I have all her stuff at my house, I’m an apprentice at a Nursery earning £2.72 and hour and I work 40 hours a week, on top of that I am studying my course. I end up getting a slight pay rise in the June of my 19th living year which is £5.40 something. Fast forward again and here I am at 22, out of a job since November because my new boss and I couldn’t get along, down to my last £1000 and having a crisis. I start my new job Monday which is fine I get paid at the end of may bbbuuttttt. April bills will becoming out before I have money from my job. F*CK.

Now I want to note that I basically raised myself, I did, I have tried to teach myself to be good with money and book doctors appointments etc but my family are on at me about this and that, if they had gotten their heads out of their back sides when I was younger, sucked up their own grief because of my mother’s death like I had to and actually helped me then perhaps I wouldn’t be sitting here like this now. I love them I do.

However you can not dwell on what has happened and what is, my current situation is this, I haven’t got enough money to pay for my April bills, so I am going to have to borrow money off of my Nan… Which is something I really don’t want to do, I don’t want to borrow money off anyone and owe anyone anything.

I’ve never asked my Nan for any money before or any of my family, (they wonder why my money has gone well I’ve never asked them for help) I don’t and won’t ask for help unless I really need it. Honestly I’m dreading this and I don’t want to but there isn’t another option really, I’ll pay her back bit by bit however.

I can not count how many notes I’ve done to plan out the savings, bills and everything that goes into this house, I haven’t slept all night as I have been worrying about asking my Nan and going through this all. I’ll update later probably. Right now It’s very hard to push everything out and focus on now getting through today.


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